Hot Dang, Donald Trump is now President Elect Donald Trump!!! And better yet, people are baffled, confused, and upset how he won. This is pretty hilarious because, well, winning this thing was as easy as stealing candy from a baby. To know how it happened, you only need to look at 2 key staffers: Stephen Bannon and Robert Mercer.

Stephen Bannon

Trump’s friend Stephen Bannon has no experience with campaigns. But he does have tons of experience stoking the rage and anger of Americans who don’t know any better. And this is exactly why Trump made him Chief Executive Officer of his campaign. After making a killing at Goldman Sachs and then at his own boutique investment company, Bannon got into films and eventually became executive chairman of Breitbart News, LLC, owner of the conservative (and extremely opinionated) media outlet Breitbart.

Bannon knows how to feed peoples’ rage. Other Republican candidates and campaign managers were aghast at his appointment:

Terry Sullivan, who ran Senator Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign, said Mr. Trump and Breitbart “both play to the lowest common denominator of people’s fears. It’s a match made in heaven.” New York Times, August 17, 2016

Yeah, Trump’s man Banner knows how to stoke the rage of “white, working class Americans”. It is a pretty easy task, given these same people have been fed by Fox News and other outlets for over a generation. They are the people who really don’t have a care in the world, but are fed reasons to be ticked off like addicts are fed meth.

Robert Mercer

Remember the housing crisis of 2008? So many people were convinced the housing market would only get better, except a small group of hedge fund managers who looked closely at the data, saw the impending market collapse, and knew how to took advantage of it.

That’s the kind of hedge fund manager Robert Mercer is – the kind of hedge fund guru that can look at the data and find the opportunities others miss. Robert Mercer’s contribution to the campaign was to look closely at the demographics data, particularly in swing states, and identify those populations likely to vote for Trump that are being completely missed by the pollsters.

Making it all work:

Between Robert Mercer’s data crunching and Stephen Bannon’s messaging (with help from Russia Twitter and FB BOTS), winning this campaign was a piece of cake. The great thing about it is that all these people voted for Trump without any idea who they were really voting for or why. That was so cool. Meanwhile, all those suckers supporting Clinton believed that people make sensible decisions when voting, and sensible people would never vote for Trump. Suckers.