Lets face it, under Obama we in the GOP had it easy. We depend on the loyalty of people who are both poor and pissed off. And having Obama in the White House was like a stranger break into your kitchen .. it made it really easy to stoke peoples’ rage and keep them loyal without having to deliver anything for their own personal benefit.

But now Trump is in the White House and we Republicans have our work cut out for us. Without Obama, liberals, or elitists to blame, we run the risk of our constituents taking greater ownership of their own lives and starting to believe things that we don’t dictate.

What do do? Here at Own Your Absurdity Press, we have a solution. Hire our consulting services. We can work with you to develop a variety of options to keep your constituents poor, pissed off, and, most importantly, loyal to the GOP.

Some avenues we will pursue include:

Keeping people addicted to poverty. People who are stuck in the poverty rut make for the best GOP supporters. Their daily lives are filled with nothing but frustration as they struggle to keep their heads above water while waiting for the next crisis to hit. These people are a great source of GOP loyalty as long as you can keep them in poverty. We have several options to help:

1. Develop credit card scams that offer to help them “get out of debt” while forcing them into great debt.
2. Ensure they live in close proximity to communities of meth addicts .. so the web of addition insanity can extend to their lives.
3. Work with developers to secretly buy mobile home parks and raise the rents and utilities.

Help maintain unhealthy life styles. Obesity, diabetes, and the associated ailments are a great way to keep people loyal to the GOP. Nothing makes a poor person feel more empowered than the constant focus on their ailments. The last thing you want is for these people to adopt healthy lifestyles. So we offer a number of services to promote their illnesses and disabilities.

1. Free cigarette promotions. Your supporters need to smoke. And they need to smoke a lot .. day in, day out, at home, at work, in bed, in the car, wherever. Make sure they have easy access to cigarettes and are surrounded by cigarette smoke.
2. Help them apply for SSI disability coverage by finding “medical professionals” who can help them transform injuries and health conditions into a justification for disability. Applying for disability access keeps them occupied and obsessed with their misery. And once they get disability, they will have all the incentive to stay home and complain about the things you want them to complain about.
3. Make sure they do not have access to affordable healthcare. Healthcare plans promote healthy life styles and primary prevention, two of the things you do not want. Make sure their only access to healthcare is through the emergency room.

We are full of great ideas to keep your supporters poor, pissed off, and, most importantly, loyal. So regardless of what kind of GOP organization you are .. a state level, county level, local level, or just a meetup, contact us today. You’ll be glad you did.