Alex Jones

Alex Jones Party Services!!!

Celebrate right.
Birthday parties and other social gatherings are perfect times for your kids to learn how to interact with the world around them. Don’t blow it by letting liberals, wimps, and losers be the role models for your kids. Hire Alex Jones!!!

Alex Jones will teach your kids the truth about the world and how to function in it. For example, some people talk about the “rules” of the road vs the “etiquette” of the road. Alex Jones will make sure your kids know there is no such thing as “etiquette” of the road. There are only rules, and yours are likely being violated by the radical left.

Your kids will learn that “being nice” and “sharing” are just ways the government is training them to be meek and subservient so that they will roll over when the government comes for your guns. Alex Jones won’t have any of this. He will train your kids to stand up and fight when the storm troopers try to take over your neighborhood.

Our packages include a variety of fun and educational activities for the kids:

    If her parents weren’t radical liberals, she wouldn’t be crying.
  • Find the liberal: Find out which of your friends have “liberal” parents and then make them feel ashamed. Your kids will learn to ask probing questions, like “women who have abortions are murderers. Do you agree?”, and “true or false: only lazy people use food stamp?”, to name a few. If you the answers aren’t quick and short, then likely the kids’ parents are radical left liberals. Your kids will then know who not to hang out with, just as you will know which parents you should not associate with.
  • We’ll teach physical and psychological discipline.
  • Keep girls and women in their place: Women are special. They are our wives, our girlfriends, our mistresses, and bear our children. But as part of loving them, we have to keep them in their place. So one of our party events will be an exercise in how to properly deal with women. We’ll teach boys ways to physically and emotionally “train” women to be submissive, and teach girls to understand that what boys are doing is in their best interest. These exercises will give your kids life long values.
  • Defend Our Freedom: Defending Freedom means one thing and one thing only: grabbing an assault weapon and ammo and positioning yourself on the property boundary
    Defend Freedom!!!
    so you can shoot government storm troopers when they invade. We’ll provide great exercises that will teach your kids to grab weapons and place themselves in the proper defense positions. We’ll do the exercise several times, identifying which kids are now “dead” because they were too slow to act or too stupid to find the right defensive position. For an extra fee, we’ll provide real guns. And for a little more, we’ll provide real ammo.

So keep your eyes peeled for how to invite Alex Jones (or one of his designates) to your child’s next birthday party!!!! #ownyourabsurdity.